My time

While I was pregnant, I tried to enjoy every single last second, of thinking solely of myself. I was terrified of the fact that, I would no longer be able to just pack up and leave whenever I saw fit. Or that my daily activities would be non-existent. I have never been the type of person that likes routine or structure or to know what was happening next so the idea of having a baby scared the hell out of me.

I didn’t want to mention it to anyone, in case I was treated differently or that I would have to speak about It for nine months straight or that  it just might feel real. So instead I kept doing everything I normally did and working every hour under the sun in fear that this was my last chance to do these things are at least do them with ease.

I had myself signed up to start work again within days of giving birth, sure I didn’t need time to recover and I was happy at the idea of someone else minding my daughter. I couldn’t stop thinking of all the things I loved and worrying that they would be gone forever. My camera work, editing, writing, yoga, Pilates, hockey, cycling, going out in the evenings, going for meals, going to a gig or a play and of course travel. To be honest as someone once put it, I would go to the opening of an envelope I just love to be out and about exploring. So I was anxious at the idea that none of these things would be part of my life any more and i would have to become a hermit.

 

But then you give birth and if you like it our not, you're hooked and all of those actives start to float away from your day-to-day thoughts and you are instead caught up falling in love. I never begrudged not doing all the things i loved. It was like a weight was lifted. There was just the here and now, the future didn’t matter and the past was long forgotten. For the first six weeks I didn’t want to do anything other than parade my baby around and watch how perfect she was. I was on cloud nine. I would wake in the morning and need to pinch myself to see was this all a dream. Was I really a mother of a beautiful little girl??? Even saying I was a mother out loud felt so weird. My days became filled with changing, feeding and picking gorgeous outfits. I Sat in coffee shops, bars, restaurants, went to the city and planned my trip to Italy I certainly did not feel the need to sit in. I did not for one-minute miss all those endless actives and I certainly didn’t miss work. I did, of course, keep myself busy and did bits and pieces of freelance video work, but I was in no rush to leave my beautiful daughter. Jet setting back to London to work and putting her in a crèche became a distant thought. Instead, I was brainstorming and figuring out how i could spend as much time as possible with her.

 My time became so precious every minute counted. I didn’t worry about cleaning and washing and trying to have the perfect dinners cooked. I dedicated time to do those things and outside of that I didn’t even think about it. When Alessia was six weeks old I started my Pilates and yoga again. I took twenty minutes out of my day; it didn’t matter what else had to be done, or if Alessia had to lay beside me. These were my twenty minutes and no matter what I was having them for myself. I would lay my mat on the floor and I  zone out. It was my time and I would look forward to it every day.  It didn’t matter if it was the morning, evening or night I would fit it in where ever I could.  It gave me peace of mind; it grounded me and allowed me to completely tune out. I was enjoying this time more than I had ever enjoyed my time. I appreciated it so much more, I wasn't thinking about what else needed to be done as this twenty minutes was so valuable I wasn’t letting a second slip away. There was never any guilt attached to the fact the house could be falling down around me or I wasn’t playing with Alessia, or there was no food made, or it was my chance to shower. Everything could wait and this couldn’t. It allowed me to solely concentrate on me.  It rejuvenated me and gave me energy I didn't even know I had, it made me feel sane and brought me back to who I was. I couldn't believe how much twenty minutes could do for your mind and body. This was my time and I wasn't giving it up. Slowly my time is becoming more and more, She is walking, talking and becoming incredibly more independent every day. But still when I do have time for myself, I cherish every second. Knowing I'm coming back to this.

FREEFUN NYC