India here we come, and what a way we came.

As I plan our next trip to India, I sit and think how did we get here.

From the ambitious young adult trying to make her stamp in the TV world. To Grieving my career and hiding my pregnancy in fear that it would sabotage all I had done and prevent me getting work in the future. Stupidly, I thought during my pregnancy that my chances of traveling to India were ruined now and that was one dream that wouldn't be fulfilled in the distant future. But I had forgotten that I have never had a dream that hasn't come true, that as soon as I put my mind on something I go and get it. That ive never let obstacles get in my way and why the hell would a baby. As I think of the last weeks of my pregnancy running around a TV set thinking I needed to get in every last bit of work I could, setting up meeting after meeting with talent managers and producers to ensure work within days of the birth of my daughter. Yes, I actually thought I would be flying back to London Baby in tow, to pick up where I left off. Working 6-7 days a week sun rise to sun set and my baby, which I wanted to breast fed would sit happily in the creche while I fulfilled my dream. I laugh to think of how naive I was. How my dreams changed, I am also thankful that while I did all this no one really told me that this was the most impractical thing I had ever thought would happen. Did I not really know myself???? Because leaving my baby was the last thing I would ever want.

I will never forget how so many people I meet within weeks of Having Alessia questioned and wondered what I was going to do now. When was I going back to work, what work would I do, and told me how important a career is and that I was too young to give it up. When Alessia was six months I did a stint in TV and that confirmed for me that it wasn't for me. Not seeing my daughter 5/6 days a week from 6am to 8pm wasn't a life I wanted to live. At that stage, to take 18 months off, seemed like eternity. But I decided not to think about it. I decided to do what felt right, I decide to stay with my daughter until  I thought she was ready to be left with a minder. Until I didn't have to have an adjustment period and watch her cry at the door or I didn't have to leave her broken hearted and feel I was missing out on everything. I wanted to be there for the first step, the first word. I wanted to be there for all her first things.  I put all the energy I had into TV into parenting and I enjoyed it way more than I could ever imagine.

But I also needed something for me, and travelling is what gives me a zest for life, takes me out of the mundane and broadens my horizons, so we dedicated The first 18 months of Alessias life to travelling. India was one of the choices, I felt going to India with a baby is a little mad, but going to do yoga teaching training is a little less mad.  I Didn't really think about If I  would teach after or not. But two months after my trip, it became apparent I was going to be a yoga teacher, who knows how long for but it was happening. As the days ran into weeks and weeks, months, my days were getting very full with yoga classes. But what's more I loved it. It was fun, rewarding and exciting, I Had a vision of where I was going what I was doing and how I was getting there, I had not forced it, I had not stressed about it or panic. I went with the flow I let it grow organically. But I believed in it and me. I didn't put myself down or have self doubt. I knew if I could make it in the tv world, if I could travel alone with my one year one daughter I could open a yoga studio. I booked another trip to India, to do more training.

And as I see my business growing in front of my eyes, and accept that for now it is good and I'm willing to evolve with it, I felt a sense of pride and happiness. Not stressing, not worrying, not panicking allowed me to get there. As I felt a contentment and freedom within me.   I realized I was putting my energy in the right place.
Life is good, as I look forward to our second trip to India, I know that I can do whatever I put my mind too, and inside I smile.. I am internally grateful to Alessia for making me realize what matters.

Free fun Skerries 

Days can be long, but the years are short.

So then she turned two, two years came and went. Two fantastic years, I've traveled I've become a parent I've retrained. I've started a new career, I've become more active in my social Life again. I've truly learned who I am what I am and I've made some of the most amazing friends along the way.

I've traveled to four continents and nine countries. All the while I never once questioned what was I doing. 

Where am I going, trusting it was going to fall into place. While enjoying parenthood like nothing I've ever enjoyed before. Of course, there are challenges but doesn't everything. But mainly all it has done is really allowed me to get to know Leah even more. While getting to bring up the most wonderful little girl I could ever have asked for. Every day I feel lucky and thankful that life has worked out this way. 

But the interesting thing is that as soon as I stopped worrying  about life, stopped finding it hard, stopped questioning my actions, stopping trying to be something someone, stopped over thinking, stopping looking at the time, stopped listening to other people, and started to just be. Started to love myself, not question myself, started going with my gut and starting trusting myself. Then life became simple, fun, exciting, the anxiety floated away, the stress floated away and I became light relaxed and at one with myself. 

Every day I'm thankful for Both my health and mental health as I know life was not always like this and I appreciate the simple things. So when I wake up beside my daughter smiling at me and hugging me and pulling me out of bed, I don't take it for granted, I didn't complain and wish I could sleep longer, I instead feel incredibly lucky that I get to enjoy life so much and don't want to miss a moment. Two years, two fast wonderful years, I've no regrets I don't and won't look back, and wish to Change anything, as my career grows and I make plans for the future, I think why didn't I stop worrying a little earlier, things might have gotten easier quicker. But with no regrets I'm thankful for what I've got now. Everything I could wish for. My health, happiness, wonderful family and friends while doing a job I love. As the countdown is on for my next trip to India, I relax, soak up the sunshine and continue to enjoy all the wonderful new experiences that life keeps throwing at me. 

FREEFUN DUBLIN SKERRIES  

There is no certainty when it comes to life.

 Often we forget to appreciate when things are good, instead we look for things to worry and stress about forgetting to be in the moment. The last few months for me were hell. My once bubbly, happy, energetic, outgoing daughter was gone. Instead, I had a cranky, clingy, lethargic, sick little girl that was so miserable from one start of the day to the next. I might as well have been given a different child, and as though Alessia had been taken from me.

It wasn't only me who noticed it was her dad, aunts, grandmother, great grandmother, grandfather. She didn't want to play, she didn't want to eat, talk, walk. She was so miserable. As the weeks went on and still no improvement, I tried homeopathy, a doctor, natural path, no amount of money was too much. No amount of visits was too much. I wanted my daughter back. As I went into overdrive mode googling and researching what might be wrong. A number of things came up. I didn't care what it was I just wanted to know. 

Then there was the worst day when we were rushed into temple street by ambulance. Alessia shell shocked and distraught, my heart broken, letting her go through such an ordeal, but also hoping we would get to the end of the mystery illness. 

But nine hours later and nowhere closer to the truth. We left with a heavy heart. 

I hadn't realized the toll the last several weeks had taken on me. I didn't notice the worry and stress I was carrying as I went to bed and got up after little sleep, to a shell of my former child. 

But finally I could see her coming back to herself, after trying a number of different things.  It was hard to know what had worked and what hasn't. Although still I could tell she wasn't a hundred percent.

I had never felt so grateful, so happy. I couldn't hug and kiss her enough still can't.

My heart breaking into a million pieces and bursting with pride when I saw her eat a bit of food or smile or play with her toys.

Still, I am slightly beating myself up for taking her to the doctor that day as I see the impact it has left on her, how my secure, happy girl is so much more nervous and worried of new things and people. 

But I am also relieved and delighted she is almost back to herself.

If anything, it's made me ensure to drink in those moments, to enjoy every second. To never take for granted my health or hers. It has made me look at her again in a different light and has grounded me. My life had gotten busier, I'm working hard, while also being a full time mother. I've started to have some me time too, so I was beginning to rush around and not be in the moment as much. 

But this last Few month has made me step back and look at what's important and to appreciate every second while also enjoying the moment.

FREEFUN SKERRIES DUBLIN

We make our own reality part 2

Coming home from our last trip to Italy I felt a sense of sadness that I had no more trips planned for the near future and that the honeymoon was over. I had to start putting all my plans over the last year and a half into action. One of which was to start teaching my yoga. Since Alessia was born, I never allowed myself worry about where my career was going. Although i did get a pang in my stomach when I thought of my tv career and how I had said no to work in BBC to look after my daughter. But then I would look at Alessia and think of all the great things she has given me and within seconds it was no longer a thought. 

Instead, I have cherished and am cherishing every second of those hundred hugs and kisses a day and wakeful nights as I know they are a phase and soon I will long for just one more night sleeping in the same bed and getting woken to her hugging and kissing me non stop. 

But with all my trips over and the adrenaline of constant travelling I felt I had to come down. Back to normality, but these thoughts didn't last long as I realized as always I can make my own reality and when you find walking to the shop with a wicker basket extremely exciting you know that you are easily pleased. 

So instead I started to think of it just as another phase, where I could spend time with my fantastic family and friends and allow Alessia gain confidence in the one place for a while. I used all my free time to study and practice my yoga. Since leaving India i have kept up my daily practice and I could see improvements every day. 

Instead of feeling nervous and scared about starting to teach, I felt excited with the new challenge. I wasn't going to question was I good enough, or was this enough or try and do too much too soon. Instead I would let it organically  grow by word of mouth and slowly over the last two months I can see my business grow. 

I've never stressed or worried would things work out, how will my future pan out am i making the right choices. I knew things would fall into place as they were meant to as I was constantly taking action. I was enjoying my daughter to the max, I couldn't have felt more blessed while molding out a career for myself that suited me and my life style. 

When i think of how I could have spent my precious time with Alessia lost in thought, wondering what I will do, instead of enjoying her. Realizing that coming back to normality isn't  actually  a bad thing as I loved my reality, plus I had a very exciting Trip to India to Look forward to in Autum to further my yoga studies. 

Since coming back to Ireland I have really felt it actually doesn't matter where you are, every day can feel like a holiday if you let it. 

FREEFUN IRELAND DUBLIN SKERRIES

So then I put my phone away.

I didn't realize what a vital part of my existence my phone had become until after I had Alessia.

I would constantly notice that without thinking I was going to grab my phone. Flick through social media, message someone, phone someone, take a photo, a video, check the time or write something I used it for everything. 

I didn't want to miss a moment I didn't want to spend my days distracted by a piece of technology, I didn't want my eye contact to be none existent because I was too busy browsing the web. I didn't want my daughter to feel inferior to  something that doesn't even breath, for her to grow up in competition with my phone. So I made a simple choice, I would put my phone away. When we were together. I wouldn't sit around texting or researching or checking social media. I do love taking photos and videos, but I didn't need to photography every second of her life. Is it not more important to actually be part of if rather than trying to capture a moment I wasn't even part of.

I began to let myself, not  text back or answer a call.  Instead, I was going to fully enjoy my daughter. Not spend my days glued to a screen. One of The biggest things that Changed since having Alessia, my phone became less important. My days more rewarding as instead of constantly having my thumb moving up and down a screen i was actually living.  All by simply putting my phone away, 

FREEFUN DUBLIN, IRELAND

SO I FELL IN LOVE AGAIN

Who doesn't love that feeling you get when you fall in love when your heart skips a beat every time they walk into the room. When you get butterflies in your stomach just thinking of them and giddy in their presence. It's one of life's free gifts it never gets old and it makes you feel alive. 

I didn't think it was possible to feel like this every day and for the feeling to become more and more intense as the days went on. 

No one mentioned that having a child was like getting to fall in love all over again and that every day you wake up and you look at what you created and can't believe it's real. I've had the luxury and luck of getting to bring up my daughter and spend the majority of my time with her. I've had the luxury of being able to travel With her.  I've had the luxury of being able to watch her develop and put my hand on my heart and say 'yes ive done the best job I could'. I have gotten to get to know my daughter inside out and form a bond so strong I could never have imagined in a hundred years it possible. I've gotten to experience something that I will never ever take for granted as it was a gift that every day I will thank my blessing for. I've got the  luxury of having a child that doesn't like routine or structure as much as I don't. Who is happy to wake up in her buggy in the pub in Italy and get up chat and wait while I finish my cocktail. I've got a child that surprises me every day with new jokes and fun she has created. For all of this I'm thankful and all of which make me love her more and more. 

Over the last two weeks in Italy, I've luckily had little stress and little to do. So I've gotten to spend quality time with the love of my life. We have laughed constantly and joked and chatted. 

We took a day trip to Naples and enjoyed octopus, bruschetta and cafe nocello. We went to my favorite cafe in Salerno for a canolli and have checked, double checked and triple checked every shop inside out in Cava. We went to Alessia's first Italian Birthday party, for her cousin's 4th birthday.

Last night while we were out on a Saturday night I noticed again that many people were out with their children in Prams asleep and some awake. It is normal it is made the norm. People don't have strangers look after their children at home and Also, just dont have an extra 50 euro to add to their night. They just bring them out. It is normalised, it is important to go out, socialize and not feel trapped and locked in because you have a child. Like In India there were cots in restaurants to allow your child sleep while you ate. As I walked home at 1am I couldn't have felt happier, I had a couple of carefree hours and then Alessia woke reminding me that I had to get up the next morning and that once I finished and enjoyed the end of my passion fruit mojito it was time to go. 

I have fallen in love again and I Will be forever grateful for this experience. 

FREEFUN, ITALY, CAVA, NAPLES, AMALFI

Don't sweat the small things

As Christmas came and went so did my itchy feet where to Next? Maybe everyone is the same, but I love an adventure, I love the thrill of not knowing, riding along watching the world go by. 

Before I had Alessia, I was in London And I cherished every last minute of my busy tube rides and long six day weeks. Thinking this was the end, I was settled no more adventures so I drank it in and was not prepared to let a moment slip by without fully appreciating my independence. But what I didn't realize was that the adventure was only beginning. 

As myself and Alessia embarked on yet another trip I felt the familiar feeling in my stomach I get each time I reach the airport like a junkie getting my fix. 

Although sleep deprivation had taken the better of me and I had booked my flight with the wrong surname. With eight hours to my flight when I found out I scoured the internet to find out what could be done. After not taking my flight the week previous for a number of reasons It wasn't  going to happen again. I tried to book a new flight, but it wouldn't work so instead I took the two hours sleep that were left and thought, as always, it would work out. 

I always believe things will work out as they are meant to, with the right attitude.So with a positive attitude and too many bags we made our way to the Ryanair desk to plead our case. I was beyond shocked, there was little pleading to be done and they were changing my name there and then. No charge mentioned, then as luck would have it one of the girls behind the desk knew me, from Jo jingles a children's music group myself and Alessia attended. I couldn't believe it. We were off and not a penny to pay. With a spring in my step I went through security and I felt so lucky.

 As always Alessia had been the perfect travel Companion, a pleasure a distraction and great company. As I arrived in Rome and took the bus from the airport to termini station, I sat with Alessia in my arms. My heart melted and I felt a sense of completeness, my adventures were so much better now. 

I looked forward to teaching her all about the history of Italy, the art the architecture the food and culture. We had two hours to kill At the train station so we did what we girls love to do, try on clothes we were happy not to buy, we just enjoyed the fun of trying on different outfits. 

I had so much gratitude for all this precious time I had with Alessia. Life was good, I had even managed to teach my first yoga class and had many more to come.


FREEFUN DUBLIN-ROME