How can their pain become yours. You never stop to think how much pain our parents felt for us. How many heart breaks they had watching us grow up. How every tear we shed they shed hundreds more. How even the slightest frown causes agony and worry. How they continue to worry about us even as we grow into adulthood.
The last couple of months for me have been so busy, coming home from India and opening up my studio. I’ve had little time to think or socialise little time to acknowledge what was happening. To worry or stress about it or feel it was a big deal. I started to write about it numerous times but had no words. I guess thinking of it as no big deal has lead me to feeling it was no big deal.
I was thinking over the last week my writing ability was failing me. I couldn’t find the words my hand was frozen. But then on Friday evening, the one thing that really matters to me had an accident. Like all toddlers it’s normal, unstoppable no matter how much you try, you just can’t prevent everything.
But I learned, how we blame ourselves beat ourselves up and it reminded me how much pain we feel for our children. My heart throbbed as though someone had ripped it out. Like It was life or death, it was only her tooth, it was as though that tooth was a core part of her. It made her who she was. As I saw her trip in slow motion only seconds before I got to her side my heart skipped a beat as I saw the blood come in the bucket load. I should have been relieved it was only a tooth but to see her little tooth broken and he lip cut was more than I could handle. She was perfect just the way she was. Her tears unstoppable, inconsolable and I felt helpless in her pain. How you just want to take it for your pain.
But what I hadn’t even thought about was the fact I still feed her and this was like a racer blade coming out of her Mouth. But what upset her most was firstly it was too sore to have baba. It hurt too much, as she sobbed in my arms and I rubbed her hair there was nothing making her pain ease. I though of how lucky I was it was only a tooth, nothing serious. But it really struck me how I now feel the pain for two. My studio is open, I am living the dream I had, it’s not what is important it’s what it allows me to do. That is spend as much time as possible with the person I love most.
As my days become more of hearing Alessia say 'MAMMA IS GOING TO YOGA", my minutes and hours became more and more precious. I hug her deeply and suffer through the pain of that sharp tooth.
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