Here we go again

Here we go again almost like a  déjà vu we walk toward the airport. when I had my first daughter alessia my biggest fear was I couldn't travel any more I was trapped stuck. I feared it so much so that I ensured this was not the case. Instead of loosing me I found myself even more. I become

More Selfish with my time, I became more disciplined with my life style and I really began to give To me. I Found yoga a good few years before alessia was born but I really found it when she first arrived.

I needed me time more then anything .i need to find

A Space I  Could have for me without relying on someone to look After her having or having to leave my house. So I really found the Mat. There was no excuse no matter what I was getting on that mat. At first it was some what forced but then it came a need and finally just a want that added so much value to my life. When I stood on that mat the world stood still, life as I knew it no longer existed and it was just me and my breath. I no longer was a mother a Daughter a partner I was leah. Slowly got to know myself better and better every day. I found an awareness of how I felt. I found awareness of how my mind felt my body my soul. I learned to process what ever was going on in my life on that mat and bring it to the outside world. I then found my spiritual home in India, I found a teacher, a life style and the most amazing child minder and just like that the universe had answered me and I had such a beautiful set up on the other side of the world. Where  I didn't have to rely on anyone else but myself. A place I could go for

 peace, Calm and Tranquility. A place I could just be me. We created a Littie bubble just me and my girls exploring the world. They and I both loved the simplicity the structure routine and sun the sounds the colour.

As we embark yet another journey my heart skips a beat my mind calms and my nervous system begins to relax, knowing I have time for me to be. To process our busy lives and get to spend quality time together with Littie distractions. Shutting out the outside world so we can really feel at home as three.

Leaving the hotel wasn't as hard as it used to be.its interesting to observe how every trip is so different. My values slowly beginning to change my needs and wants no longer the same. Where I used to need luxury shopping fancy places to stay, I no longer felt the need. Yes of course I love good food, my love for clothes will never fade, but more as an art rather than a need. I prefer to buy less spend less and really embellish in the simple things is way more appealing to me.  To have a much more simple exsistance. To do my yoga, eat in the local restaurants, and just to potter around soaking up the energy around me. What I noticed most about Bangalore was the different energy in the different places I think this was the main thing that made one place better then the other. You could feel a lightness a happiness creativity in some places where other places the energy was heavy darker. My favourite boutique cinnamon where everything is hand crafted with love each piece unique and show casing natural fabrics and unique detail. As soon as you enter this beautiful  quaint colonial bungalow you can feel a light energy a happiness a  place you could happily stay for hours looking through each individual piece. Though when you have two children running around playing with delicate objects you can't help but feel a little on edge. When you youngest asks you are you an expert at fixing things I know I might be in trouble and proceeds to tell me she definitely isn't. After leaving cinnamon I always feel so happy. I don't necessarily buy anything but usually pick up one piece that I will get excessive wear out of for the years to come. Second stop  was a jewellery store, alessia wanted to get herself a pair of ear rings after loosing hers. In comparison the energy was heavy dark , exhausting surrounded by money gold diamonds etc.  even the hotel felt so  much. Unnecessary fush. 

As I drive into the country side my heart feels happy. I feel a calm all over my body I begin to feel at home.  I see the back waters the greenery, the coconut trees, I find the whole body settling. And I know this trip was worth while. Although I some what question why I drag my two children half way across the world to the scorching heat. 

When I walk to my first practice I feel such extreme emotions a mix of happiness and sadness. 

But after I finished my first practice I feel tears streaming down my face a release  of emotions I know it is safe to feel and I am without question that this trip was going to benifit me more than I could even imagine. 

reflection of our first week

When I stepped foot into that Mysore room, I was over come by the sensation of a full room of people practicing together. I never thought it would happen again, everyone breathing together in one room, no one nervous or panicking about COVID. Just to step in that room for one class would give me enough energy to last for a lifetime. It was a dream come true. I felt so relaxed so happy so content. I had my two beautiful girls with me, they were both equally happy and adored Sudha, it made me feel at such ease. 

It I had allowed myself to think prior to the trip I did have some apprehension, more from other people's fears, but most people knew me well enough not to try and encourage me not to go. I'm so glad I didn't allow fear to make the decisions for me as a decision based on fear is never the right one. 

As I ate breakfast with Alessia after class and asked her how her trip was she told me much better then she thought it would be, although she was very excited about coming. I was delighted. I equally felt the same it actually couldn't have been better it had outdone my expectations and only a week in. 

 

We spend our days eating coconuts. Telling each other stories and building on the amazing relationship we already had. I felt so privileged to have this time with my two amazing daughters, to be able to just live in the moment, and soak up every moment with them. Just riding along in the rickshaws or walking the beautiful streets of Goklum I felt such a sense of peace inside me. Like I had returned home. 

 

To be able to get up and go to my yoga class without children to give myself that much needed time, only added to it. After two years of restriction talk about COVID. Business closed, strict rules and regulations I finally felt, this was living this was happiness this was life worth living.

India with three

Then there was three our first trip to India as three and the best way to not stress or worry about it was not to think

So that's exactly what I did.

 

When we got on the first plane I couldn't believe we were on our way, it felt like there was so many hurdles to get over before we left but actually sitting on the plane I didn't no what would have stopped us it was the same as ever just another person in the group. Francesca was as good as gold goes without saying so was Alessia the dream team. Girls on tour and we were so delighted to be off.

 

First stop

London, the trip was long but I felt so glad and grateful we were privileged enough to be able to take this journey go on this adventure. In fact we enjoyed every part of this long haul flight after two years it felt like home, sitting on the plane and visualizing what was ahead of us. Mouth watering food good company and yoga what more could shrine ask For.

 

There was one element that had me slightly on edge Knowing we had a pcr test on arrival, and knowing the consequences of that. But I also told myself what would be would be and to just relax and enjoy the adventure. What ever happened?

Everything else seemed so similar even getting off the Plane. There was no difference, it all

Looked sounded smelt the same. I don't no what I expected but walking out of the airport and just looking around I felt this sense of happiness that freedom

I love and automatically felt re energized and uplifted.

 

Listening to different peoples stories and how COVID had affected them was incredible.

Alessia’s minder, had had the most heart breaking two years filled with illness death and poverty. None of it COVID related just the knock on effects of COVID had caused so much depression in

Her life, as I listened to her story of her 20 year old niece dying along with her baby, her husbands heart problems her sons surgery, her lack of work and suicidal thoughts. As my eyes weld up, and tears streamed down both sudhas and myself faces I thought how was I, so privileged to be born into my existence. It made me really feel

The importance of holding onto those good times as we don't no what's around the corner and no matter how bad it gets the importance of lifting ourselves out of that depression

 

Alessia was so at ease with Sudha she adored seeing her again and playing with her. Francesca to my delighted was so content in Sudha's arms her mind heart and warm

Smile would put anyone at ease out adventure had begun I was where I had dreamed of for two years and I wasn't going to take it for granted.

 

The food was better then I ever imagined, the coconuts sweeter and more thirty quenching then I had remembered and the sensation of our hair blowing and the music in the rickshaw as we went to our favorite dosa place topped it all off, so good to be Back

And

I hadn't even done yoga yet.

 

As we travelled back to our apartment Alessia told me there was no way this was our last trip we would come 15 more times until Francesca can remember it and then Alessia told me she would bring her kids. I closed my eyes for a moment to take it all in. This was living this was an adventure and this for me was happiness.

HERE we go again

Here we are again, I know it sounds strange but I loved parenthood so much I didn’t want another child I was scared to ruin what I had it was such a perfect set up I was enjoying every last minute of it and I didn’t want to jeopardise it. 

But almost six years later I have been blessed with another incredible daughter. I really couldn’t feel any more grateful.  

I sat during the labour feeing  such gratitude, how I not only was having the most wonderful labour but it was happening at home. In the comfort of my own house. No one else’s energy but mine. A calm beautiful experience. Nothing but quiet and peace. 

The luxury to see Alessia off to school to kiss her  good bye. Knowing while she left the next time we saw each other she would have a sibling she would be a big sister.  Although part of me felt sad it would no longer be the two of us, the other part was really excited to share this experience with Alessia to watch her with her new sibling and see what the future had in store for us.

I didn’t have to contend with other people  around me are noises that were hard to block out. Instead I got to labour alone just as I had visualised. In a calm and stress free environment. From my bath to my bed to my birthing ball. I was blessed with a short labour  it felt so calm and easy. I would close my eyes and drift in and out of a sleep dream  state where I would   Visualise the most beautiful images it was like something I had read about. 

I was also so lucky to have had a private mid wife who had gotten to know me. And no exactly what I wanted. Just as I had hoped to labour alone until the mid wife was needed for the last part it worked out exactly that way. 

She arrived when I was 9cm and ready for Francesca to make her way into the world. Still it was so calm. My yoga breath was my biggest tool it gave me the strength and ability to cope with everything. I never felt this was bigger then me. I constantly felt I could do this and  reminded myself of my inner strength.  It allowed me to enjoy the birth, It allowed me to feel so strong and gave me the power to birth without having any doubt I could do it. 

I felt so comfortable and confident with both myself and the midwife that fear or anxiety were no where near the birth. 

The second stage of labour was also so short and smooth. More then anything my breath was my biggest tool, I didn’t feel

Like I needed anything else. I was so Present during the labour feeling Francesca making her way into the world and I felt in control. 

I was so excited to meet my baby, when she arrived out and I picked her up looking at the sex I couldn’t believe Alessia had a sister. It was incredible. I got to cut the cord after about twenty minutes and while I lay there holding my little girl I couldn’t believe how lucky I was. A second daughter a calm peaceful none eventful birth, and to be at home. A second mid wife arrived and the treatment and care I got was second to none. Both of their energies were just so lovely, their kind words and soft touch allowed for me to feel so comfortable and cared for. After having a hospital birth and then a home birth I knew how blessed I was. It wasn’t like this in a hospital. The time and attention given. To shower in my shower to get into my bed and to have Alessia join us straightaway and all to be able to cuddle up together just felt so right felt how it should be. 

A none medicated, natural birth. I felt so amazing after I was so relieved so grateful to have my little girl here happy healthy and in a stress free environment, though one part of me was sad the labour was over as I had looked forward to it so much and would have loved to be able to relieve it again and again. But I had the memories and the my beautiful baby.but  I had so much to look forward to, so much free fun ahead of me. Not with one but two beautiful girls. My journey was just beginning our story was only beginning. 

 

Learning to breathe Again

After passing the half way mark of my trip, I realised this trip was quite different then I had expected. Often we expect something to be the same or similar as the previous time we did it, each trip there is more learning’s, each trip easier but also more challenging as I challenge myself more. This time I was learning to slow down, As Alessia gets more independant, I can relax more . she is a pleasure to travel with. We have so much fun; her caring funny nature leads to time of bliss spent with her. 

As for my Yoga, my teacher is incredible. His knowledge and  adjustments are a different level; I’ve learned vocal Adjustments can be more powerful then physical adjustments, which I often give to my students. Letting the student become aware of the exact position rather then putting them
into it.  Every trip I learn more and more. My love for yoga becomes much deeper. As I finish three weeks of classes and have anther two and a bit, I think already of next years trip.  After the first week I made a difficult decision. I changed my morning class, from a Hatha class to an Ashtanga class. It felt the right decision yet felt so hard as the class I was leaving was incredible. 

As my knowledge of yoga increases my reasons for practicing continues to change. My desire to teach and how I want to teach slightly alters. As my teacher said today “the criteria to be a good teacher one of which is giving no power to what others think not acting in a way to be liked but just allowing yourself be and act in a way that is true to you” This I feel is so important, to actually be a good teacher.

When I am in India it gives me a different perspective of life, making life simple again, slowing down, stopping the silly stressing over things that don’t matter. This trip has allowed me to practice pranayama, in a relaxed calm way, as I have much more flexibility with Alessia. Pranayama, is such a fantastic tool, allowing you to learn to live in the moment, often the only other way is constant entertainment. This trip is teaching me to learn to just be learning to relax and teaching me further about my breathe.  Each trip  different also the same but the knowledge I am learning is valueless.  Loving India and all it has to offer. 

loving the little things

Over the years coming to India I’ve heard other parents who bring their children with them saying things like their children are bored here?????  I Find it very hard to understand, bored of seeing some where new, of spending time with their parents, embracing a different culture, seeing a different way of life. The problem is our children’s lives are as busy as ours. Rushing and racing, bombarded with toys and gifts, activities, Electronics watching our phones, ipads, computer, TV so their concentration is terrible they don’t want to sit still, they need instant gratification. What I see here is children playing on the streets, spending time with their parents, helping their parents, living with very little but they do not appear bored they are not looking to be constantly entertained.

 Whey do we feel like we need to ensure every second of our child’s day is full to the brim. What I love about coming to India is time slow downs it is acceptable to sit in a café for the whole day with one cup of coffee and watch the world go by. I love that alessia just takes it all in and plays with her surroundings. We have little toys, a tea set, some dolls, books and jigsaws and there is endless amount of fun. I love how she spends her day doing pretend play, how she is soaking up a different culture, she said to me one of the days we arrived although we all look a little different inside we are all the same. Watching her interact with the children we meet, some of them she plays with, it is so real they play they don’t ask to many questions they have fun and then they go their separate ways. They are living  in the moment. 

 

Each trip for me gets better and better, Alessia is getting older and with that more independent I can go to my classes and relax, there is no stress I can breathe, this year feels like my first time to practice in a relaxed calm mind set, I am not trying to rush home I am present and I can see the effects. I am really embracing the pranayama, as I can sit relax and actually breathe. While I am at class I think how I’ve created a Journey for myself that couldn’t be closer to the true me. 

As I sit and watch people fighting for business, people struggling to fed their children, people living with nothing and still a smile to their faces, still just living still so many people honest and kind. As my first week commences I feel empowered, I feel my knowledge I’ve learned is priceless. My teacher is incredible, he speaks few words but what ever he says is of value. 

I look forward to seeing my students again and teaching them all I’ve learned. And if all I got from these trips is teaching Alessia to be happy in her own skin, to learn to live with little and find true happiness inside then I think will be doing well. 

Loving India 

The art of balance

No one told me it was so hard, although I never envied working mothers. I luckily had the first 18 months of alessia’s life with Little work. I did stints sins free lance but over all I could focus on being a mum, I was a hundred percent happy with how I was doing my job. I don’t like to do things in halves so all my energy was into Motherhood. But that was never going to be long term, for many reasons.

 But why couldn’t I still be the stress free relaxed mother and work what would be so different. 

It’s almost coming to a year that the lotus room has been open, and what a year it has been.  Meeting some of the most amazing people. Getting to watch people grow and develop at the yoga, see people move from one class to the next and meet young teens, explore and learn something so knew and love it. It organically blossomed from

Home grown to the beach and then my studio. 

But I wanted to do both. I was working full time and I was a full time mum. My job was not cut in half now I was working there was not less to do, no there was more. More organising more, Juggling, more preparing. I love going with the flow just seeing what happens but things changed. Cooking dinner turned into a huge chore, going to the shops was the same. I didn’t have the same energy to do all these things as well as I wanted. 

I only had so much to go around. But when it comes to your business you have to give it all, you don’t get a second Chance, so this is where everything went and then what was left was trying to be the best mum I could be. There was Days where I didn’t pick up a hover, or weeks where we ate out for lunch. And weekends where I just wanted to lie in bed after working six or seven days that week. But I loved both  jobs, each one different each one offering something unique.but the balance was the struggle. As my first years draws to a close. And my first real

Break is upon me, as I sit in India and once more all I have to do is be a mum, my job seems so easy, so enjoyable so rewarding.  What I hope to learn is the  art of balance.